If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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