"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
