He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
