just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
