So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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