your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
