I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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