ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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