I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
