I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we should paint friendship bongs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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