do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
