I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
