Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
