I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
