If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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