omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
