I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
