Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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