I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
