Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
