talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
