oh god the rape fog is back!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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