If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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