The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize