you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
