Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
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I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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