Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
