How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
