First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
