The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
