just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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