I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
