Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
