Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
