i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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