The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
