meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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