You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
