I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
