i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
