the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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