I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize