For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
