Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
