He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
