I seem to have left my pride at pride
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
