mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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