Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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