I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
