you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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