just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
