my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
