just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
