Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
