There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
