i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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