he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
