If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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