I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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