One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
