I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
