I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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