dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
