i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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